I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
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It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
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There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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