Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.