Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
