I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
