I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Randomize
