I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He shit in the fireplace
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
