Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
