I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.