You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.