so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
