I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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