so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Don't make out with my wife yet
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
