High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
tell me about the fingering
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