my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
In America we eat man semen.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
