so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.