so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS