Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.