you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Bea Arthur died! :(
Big bird passed.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha