He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
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Drunk. I slept-stripped.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
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I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.