Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
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Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
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We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.