it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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