Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
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She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
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btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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