Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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