ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.