i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure