he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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