Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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