I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
