That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
