C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
