You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
