My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
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