I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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