I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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