So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
