life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
