I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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