I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
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Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
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you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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