shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
