Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?