We're facebook friends in real life
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?