we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
where does the pee come out of this thing
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
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That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
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I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack