Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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