I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize