We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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