I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
