i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Operation Purity has been aborted
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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