just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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