I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I made him laugh his dick is mine
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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