What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
