You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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