dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update