remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.