Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.