i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself