So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.