grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??