I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
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