YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
