When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
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In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
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Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
God, I missed his penis.
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