i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
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He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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