oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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