Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
