Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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